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'Oh Pam, you've done it! You've finally gone out in public and it feels fabulous!' I thought.I happened to see more than one guy follow me with his eyes as I walked towards a table where I saw a couple gathering their things getting ready to leave. I think I liked the looks I got as it made me sway my hips a bit more than usual.A shorter, stocky drag queen approached me for a cover and told me the proceeds went to a worthy cause.Pam the philanthropist! I smiled inwardly. She gave me a ticket stub and told me to have a wonderful time as everyone here was super friendly and the bar staff took exactly zero crap from anyone. Reassuring. She then asked if I wanted to sign up to sing karaoke. Oh my God no! Hell no! The last thing I wanted to do was draw attention to myself screeching to a large crowd. Me singing? No way. I did politely decline and thank her for the invitation.While waiting for a table, I happen to notice myself in a nearby mirror standing in profile. Wow! My dressalmost. Of course I did that, but rarely, and only with my closest lovers or when vulnerability and connection were important. My mom was trying to live up to the image of Ashley the Slut spread throughout the seat’s collective consciousness without understanding how I limited my vulnerability.“Did anyone actually ... did they actually use the Lady of Oak Leaf as a toilet?”“As it turns out, no one asked her to drink. Leaves Stirring brought it up shortly after she got started. He said she sounded nervous and reminded her that she need not embrace every act of slut and lover she could imagine. There was no question that she was celebrating openness and vulnerability.”Lord Oliver continued, “She said she was nervous about being used that way. Leaves said something strange: ‘When you see it as a gift and honor to drink, then you are ready. If you ever want this, then I’m sure you will make a truly amazing toilet, and just like your work as lover and community leader, you will gain strength from.
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